Difficult Decision

Well the waiting has been hard for both of us. We have days that are so busy that they tend to go by quickly but then something would turn our focus to Russia and I would just ponder for hours and seemed to get nowhere. On Monday, our CHI rep was going to be in Astrakhan and was suppose to visit the Ministry of Education(MOE) to find out about what is going on  with our adoption. I was not expecting any info on Monday because it seems to take awhile to get information back to us. However, towards the end of the day I sent off an email to our US rep to see if there was any news. Sure enough, 1.5 hours later, I received a call, but not what I wanted to hear. 

There was no update from the MOE at all. Basically the same info that we had when we left. We were told that they were going to try to wrap things up by the end of June but since that is only two weeks away and nothing has changed, we know that is not going to happen. In fact our Russian Rep said that she has no idea how long this is going to take.  We know that there are relatives that are interested in adopting them and they are filling out paperwork to do this. Once completed and submitted they would have to be approved/denied by the government and then we would be told.

As I heard her telling us that there is no idea how long this would take(many many months possibly), my heart just sank. I want to wait for these children that are now a part of our hearts, but as each day goes by more of my heart goes to them and I do not know if I could take losing them after months of waiting and wondering. Part of me just wants to pray that God would make them ours no matter what, but deep down, I know that I can not ask God to take them away from their family - it does not sit well with my soul, not even from the first day this disaster has raised its head.

So with all this and many other things, that I will not go into, going through our minds, we have decided that we are going to move forward and request another referral. In just typing this it hurts so much. It has taken me two days to even be able to type this post. But no matter how I feel, I know that this is the right thing to do. No one ever said the right thing would be easy.

Our prayers are now turned toward a successful adoption for their relatives so that in the end there will be four orphans with homes not just two. We ask you to pray for these children as well and even though we may never know the outcome for their lives, we trust the Lord and His ways, they are greater then ours.

So what is next? We somewhat start over but not completely. We will be getting another referral fairly soon. We will have to travel to meet them again. Come home and wait for a court date and then return for court and bring them home. It seems like this past month has been a waste(we left for Russia 5/16) but it has not. We have grown so much in the Lord and leaned on Him to get us through each day. It has been an exercise in relying on the Lord and that has been a priceless exercise. I can not tell you the peace we have about everything because our eyes are on the Lord. Yes we are still in utter turmoil inside and our hearts are breaking - there will probably always be an ache in my heart for these children - but we know we are in amazing hands as the Lord leads us through this journey. We do not know what lies ahead and I pray that we do not have to repeat this aching disappointment but we know that He is with us in every step. I keep going back to a verse I posted earlier from Habakkuk 3:17-19

"Though the fig tree should not bloom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, YET I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, And He has made my feet like hinds' feet, And makes me walk on my high places."

We will update as soon as we hear something. Please continue to pray for the children's relatives to have a successful adoption and for strength as we continue our journey.